Every time I click on "New Post" and my fingers come to the keyboard to start writing something on this blog, I am wearing my infertility cap. This blog has been my free therapist. It has turned into a place where I come and vent and rant about my feelings on and through infertility. It is my infertility diary. 

But that's not all of who I am. The same is the case for all you other ladies that write blogs about your struggles with IF or miscarriages etc. That's not what defines us! 

For those who know me only through this blog or our message boards, I am just that "Nikki who has tried for over 7 years to get pregnant, and has had 3 losses, and is now trying to start afresh at CCRM. Nikki has a T shaped uterus, and her DH has a reciprocal balanced translocation. Poor thing."

That is just a one dimensional view of me. One part of my personality and life. There is a lot of me outside this blog. 

If I read the posts I have written on my blog so far, and if I put myself in the shoes of someone who doesn't know me, it would appear that other than being infertile I am nothing else. And that's not true. 

This particular post is an effort to remind myself of who I am, while at the same time, letting people in on other parts of my life a little bit. 

I love a hearty laugh. I do. I have a big laugh and I laugh easily. I laugh at things I read, and during movies and while watching TV. Most of all I laugh when I am with friends. 

I am witty. I think of comebacks quickly and am quick to respond. I love to make people laugh at my witticism. I specially love it when DH gets a hearty laugh out of my commentary. Sometimes my retorts or comebacks have made guys blush, and that makes me feel a little bit out of line, but I secretly like it - that even they were stumped :-)

I am very emotional. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I cannot hide things from people. I am honest, open and completely transparent. I cannot imagine being any other way. 

I am non confrontational, despite being transparent and honest. I cannot and will not put my foot down and confront any situation which involves another human being. I will confront my failures and struggles on my own, but I will not "argue" or "debate" with another person. I am quick to adapt to and accept other's points of views. 

I have a Bachelors in Biology, and an MBA in Human Resources. I did not want to do an MBA, but I did it because my entire family thought I was best suited to corporate life. My personal secret wish was to pursue Biology and get a Masters in Genetics. 

(See the irony there? I should have gotten that Masters in Genetics - how useful that would be today, given the translocation, and chromosomes and everything I'm having to read and learn about now!)

I hated corporate life from my first job onwards. I realized very quickly that I get bored with routine work. I need to be doing something which challenges my brain on a daily basis. If not, I'm out. 

I enjoyed the last job I was at, but I quit because I wanted to focus on my IVFs and get control over the work stress. I had just miscarried and I was out of my mind with grief and stress and lack of control. 

DH and I co-founded a company, which we just launched. We hope to make it a company which challenges us, and becomes an employer that employees love. We want to make it the kind of company we always wished we were employed in. 

I love to cook and entertain. I absolutely love to cook for people and have people enjoy the evening. 

DH and I are best friends. In all honesty, I don't need anybody else in my life. I'm very fortunate that I have a husband who is also my best friend. I don't feel the need to have a girls night out, or go away from him to get a break. I don't feel the need to hide anything from him. He pampers me like a little baby, and I confess: I'm spoilt. 

I love dogs. Big dogs. We have a 3 year old German Shepherd - Simba.  He's our little baby. He came home when he was 6 weeks old. He is just the joy of our lives - absolutely unconditional in his love, and absolutely devoted to us. 

There's a lot more, but if I go on and on, this post will be way too long. 

I wanted to give my cyber friends a little picture of me and my life. I also wanted to remind my real life friends that I too had a life :-) and even though I'm underground right now, I do still live. I still laugh, and still joke and kid around, and I still hope.