Every step forward we take in the TTC journey takes us back 2 steps. It’s like walking on a landmine. Every step forward sets one off! So many people in the world skip and hop along life smoothly. Why not us? Why must we have to fight fate at every step?

I’m tired. Exhausted. Out of steam. I don’t know what else to do now. I’ve kept my chin up through the entire last year, through every disappointment, through every piece of bad news. DH and I have held each other’s hand and plowed forward through every problem that arose.

Most of you know the hoops and loops we’ve gone through in the last year. We are finally at the stage where we are getting set to start our last and final IVF. I did not expect to find out what I found out today. And I’m devastated.

CCRM had called in my prescription to my insurance company’s specialty pharmacy (if I get my fertility medication from anywhere else, they do not cover it). I was calling today to check on the status of my medication, to make sure everything had got approved and we were all set, and to see when they were shipping the meds out. While I was on hold, I logged into their site to make sure I had all the information ready for them when they answered.

I was completely caught unawares by what I saw on the site – “Coverage end date: 12/31/08” WTH?????? I am on COBRA – I pay a hell of a lot of money every month to keep my insurance going so that I have IF coverage. I am eligible to be on COBRA for at least 8 more months. I don’t understand why my coverage is lapsing.

I contacted my ex-employer’s HR department, and found out they are changing insurance service providers wef 1/1/2009, and of course nobody thought it important to inform an ex employee who is on COBRA, and quite frankly, at this point, whose life depends on that COBRA coverage!!

I don’t know what to do now. If I roll on to the new coverage, it will not be effective till Jan 1. And if I am not a member till Jan 1, CCRM can’t even get pre-approvals etc for my IVF. I am supposed to start stims at the end of Dec and ER happens early Jan, ET mid Jan.

Not just is the treatment coverage at stake now, but also the prescriptions – the refills! Per my prescription, and my discussion with CCRM, I am sure I will need to get additional doses of Gonal F, and till I am a member I will not even know how the new insurance company covers fertility drugs. Also my prescription has already been sent to my current insurance. Sending a new prescription after Jan 1 will mean waiting for the entire approval process etc etc etc.

At this point, I cannot afford to pay out of pocket for this IVF either. I'm completely at wit's end about what I can do now.......

How on earth am I going to do this IVF? I feel like the wind just got knocked out of me – entirely deflated! I’m tired, and I really cannot fight any longer. I’m tired of crying, and I’m tired of figuring out how to fight fate any more.

I wanted to go into this IVF with a calm state of mind. How am I supposed to be calm now?

My whole bloody life works on Murphy’s Law : If something can go wrong, it will.