I’m still pretty shocked and numb from yesterday’s news on our embryos / blastocysts. I’m sure you must think that I just whine unnecessarily, and that in the past 1 week itself I’ve shown all kinds of varying emotions. I started with being worried about a low number of follicles, to being ecstatic about a good ER, to being devastated about the fert report, to being ok with the Day 3 report, to yesterday, when everything crashed around me.

I’m trying to see the positive side of things. DH and I sat down to analyze our results from our past IVF/PGD cycles and compare them with this current cycle. We think we’re seeing a little pattern here, and I’m going to try and explain it to you.

The obvious difference in this cycle was the fact that the biopsy for PGD / FISH testing was done on Day 5. Most other labs / clinics do the biopsy on Day 3. Had CCRM done the biopsy on Day 3, we would have had 12 embryos from the first batch, and possibly a couple more from the later batch that would have been biopsied and tested. And with that, the numbers would have been similar (and slightly better) than our previous 3 cycles.

In my mind, I’m trying to string together the results of the previous PGD cycles, with the outcomes on Day 5 with regards to the development of our embryos.

This is from October 2007. During this cycle, the normal / balanced 5AA blastocyst was transferred and we got a BFP. I had a missed miscarriage in the 9th week

This is from April 2008. During this cycle a poor quality (5CB) blastocyst was transferred. It ended in a biochemical pregnancy.

This is from June 2008. 2 blastocysts of 5AB and 5AC grade were transferred. This resulted in my ectopic pregnancy.

Do you see why I was stressing about needing higher numbers? See how many Unbalanced embryos we've had in the past. That is why, with a genetic / chromosomal abnormality involved, everything becomes a big numbers game at the end. 

On the other hand, do you see the pattern I’m talking about? It does seem like the embryos that were normal or balanced for the translocation did survive and develop into blastocysts. That’s on the one hand. On the other, all blastocysts were not always normal or balanced. We had some good-looking 5AA quality blastocysts, which had an unbalanced translocation.

So I’m yet again trying to hold on to the hope that the ones that made it to blast COULD be normal. I realize I must appear so desperate – clinging on to any straw of hope that I can. Who knows which straw will keep us afloat, really!

This one has by far been the most stressful IVF cycle I’ve been through. I’m pretty sure that after this my mind and body are not going to be ready to go through this again. (I am hoping against hope that I don’t NEED another cycle, but you know what I mean.)

I have not heard from the embryologists today. By this time yesterday I was climbing the walls in despair. Today I feel like the news can’t get any worse. The anticipation of the bad news phone call is gone. If at all, today’s news would / will be good news. If they call, good. If they don’t – well, what can be worse than going from 31 eggs to 2 blastocysts in under a week?

PS: Some of you mentioned my last post was technical, and that the grading was hard to understand. I will write out a post and explain the grading for the benefit of those that didn’t get it. But I will do that tomorrow.