I’m going to panic a little here today. I know I’ve been going in for my daily monitoring, and I know my follicles are growing, and I’ve been sharing the pictures of the measurements with you guys. Everyday after the u/s, they have you wait in a meeting room, and a nurse comes and goes over your follicle sizes with you. So far every day the nurse (and it’s been a different nurse EVERYDAY!) has been coming in and gushing over how great things look, and how well I’m responding.

And I’ve been believing that. I’ve asked the u/s tech a couple of times how many follicles total they see there, and the response has been “Oh, plenty!” or “Don’t worry, there’s a whole bunch”. In fact this morning, the tech said “It looks like a cluster of grapes in there.”

However, this morning, the nurse that met me after my u/s said “It looks like we have 11 follicles.” I flipped. What if I get only 11 follicles and only 11 eggs total?

Now, at my age, 11 is not bad. But, 11 would be the worst I’ve ever had in an IVF cycle. And, given DH’s translocation, and the fact that our embryos need to go through PGD, I need to be making WAY more than 11 eggs! That’s just to account for eggs that may not be mature, or eggs that may not fertilize, or embryos that may not divide and grow normally, and most importantly, embryos that will have abnormal PGD results. There’s going to be egg / embryo waste at each stage, and if we’re starting with 11, we may have nothing left to transfer! 

Just going by history, in the last 3 IVF cycles, we have had between 10-13 embryos that went in for biopsy and PGD, and we got only 1, 1 and 2 normals in each cycle, respectively. So 90% of our embryos have historically been unbalanced by the translocation! So to have even 1 normal, we need around 10 blastocysts on day 5 to biopsy!! 

I guess part of my panic is coming from not knowing. See, in CA, my local RE would count all my follicles, and we usually were pretty much on track with how many we’d get eventually. Here, a) they are counting only the big ones, and b) the monitors are usually sort of turned away, and I can’t see for myself if there are any more that I can count. Also, in CA, DH always came into the u/s room with me, and if I couldn’t see the monitor, he could stand where he could see the monitor and could count the follicles for us. Here, none of the DH’s seem to go in when the u/s tech calls out names. So he’s been waiting outside while I go in on my own.

I think tomorrow I’m going to make him come inside with me for my u/s, so he can see what I can’t. Oh my goodness – I hope there is an u/s tomorrow! What if I’m triggering tonight? Oh God, now I’m going to be freaking out till they call me with instructions today!

Calming vibes please? Please knock some sense into my head! I know I’m in panic mode but I don’t know what to do about it right now.