I'm trying to process my failure right now, and I don't know what to say.

My lining today was still at 4.9 mm. EXACTLY the same as last week. My local RE (he's been helping with all my monitoring here) said he's sorry. He thinks it could be because of the surgery, because he knows how my lining has grown for 3 IVF cycles with him.

We walked out of the clinic assuming we were being cancelled. I didn't even do my morning dose of estrace today.

And the nurse called - pretty late by their usual routine. It was after 5 PM in CO when she called. And she said they want to try me for one more week. I was expecting to be cancelled, but she said lets try it one more time.

So now I have to continue my 4 patches every other day, increase the estrace suppository to three times a day, and add an intramuscular estrogen injection twice a week to the mix. If the lining still hasn't responded by next week, I'm getting cancelled. I also decided to do acupuncture, even if it is absolutely last minute. But I need any help that it can give me at this stage. I've scheduled an appointment for Saturday.

I'm tired of the games IF is playing with me. EVERY fucking thing that can go wrong, HAS gone wrong at some point or the other. EVERY damn thing! This morning DH and I actually had a very serious conversation about possibly proceeding further with a GC. Someone with a proven womb. Not me. My womb can't be trusted.

I'm giving it this last one week for things to improve. If not, I give up. I don't have the stamina to fight any more. I'm tired and I need a break.

I have a lot of things on my mind, and will write a more detailed and coherent post later. Right now my thoughts are rushing out over each other, and I'm feeling very jumbled, defeated and confused.

My uterus can't grow a lining - how on earth will it grow a whole baby???