I'm here. Hanging in there. I think I needed to vent, and get my feelings out on paper yesterday. Thank you all for the hugs and support. Although I'm sad to realize that so many of you get what I mean, because you've been there yourselves, yet, it is comforting to know that so many of you get it. 

DH took me out for dinner yesterday, we spent some time talking. I know he gets it, and I know he would do anything to make me happy, but I also know that nothing can fix this pain - not till we come to the end of our journey, either with a baby, biological or otherwise, or after having closed this chapter entirely.

Many of you suggested antidepressants and counseling. I will look into it if need be. For now, I want to try and focus on the positives in my life, and try and make myself come out of my funk. 

I went for my u/s this morning. I was so sure my stubborn stuck lining would still be at 4.9mm, and even my RE smiled a sorry smile when he walked into the room and saw me sitting there. But lo and behold - my stubborn lining is waking up! It measured 5.4 mm today, and is finally even showing the tri-phasic pattern. 

So I'm back to my routine of Estrace suppositories, Delestrogen injections, Vivelle patches, acupuncture and I go back in one week for blood work and u/s. Back to my next one week installment of this FET cycle! 

I'm happy that my lining moved, even if it means another week of hanging on to whatever little hope I can muster. 

My next u/s is next Monday, which is also my 38th birthday. It could be a happy birthday for me, or it could end up pushing me into a funk again. We'll see. I've been on Lupron since 1/27 - I'm ready to get off it now - one way or another!